


Not another ghost

by larabeckinsale



Category: Dresden Files - All Media Types, Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-22
Updated: 2011-09-22
Packaged: 2017-10-23 22:50:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/255947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larabeckinsale/pseuds/larabeckinsale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes off where Ghost Story ended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not another ghost

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this hours after I finished reading Ghost Story, when I was starving (because I totally forgot to eat) and sleep deprived. It contains FLUFF ok? To make me feel better :)
> 
> All belongs to Jim Butcher, I'm just borrowing.

Slowly, my body had started to respond better and as soon as it seemed that I could walk on my own she opened a way in reality and took me to her court.

She led me to a place in her domain, close to her own fortress. The place didn’t look too imposing against the icy landscape of Winter but it seemed bigger than my old apartment had been. The place was my new home as her Knight. Once inside, I was greeted with the sight of a set of luxurious chambers filled with luxurious things, a big bed covered with silk sheets and feather pillows, a big chimney, fine rugs, comfortable couches and chairs, a big table set with delicious foods and beverages, a bathroom with marble tiles and a jacuzzi.

“You will find everything in here for your physical needs Sir Knight. Bathe, eat, rest. Soon I will call upon you to start your service. There’s a lot of work to do.”

“You said so before. When am I to start it?”

“Soon, I’ve said.” She answered, her tone a little irritated.

“Ok, then… My queen.” I said. And two seconds later she was gone.

The fire in the chimney was lit already and it warmed the whole place, which was good, considering that I was still naked from head to toe.

So these were my new digs? Not bad, not bad at all. I felt the dirt I had been lying on for the past six months still clinging to my skin and wanted it gone.

Taking a bath was the first thing I did in that place. I’ve rarely taken baths in my life. I’ve never really had a functioning water heater because of the magic thing, and taking a bath in cold water is never fun, so I always took efficient showers. But apparently the pipes in my new place didn’t mind the wizard bit, they functioned just fine and I was treated to the most relaxing ritual of cleaning my body I’ve ever experienced, a hot bath.

When I was done, I went to the wardrobe and found it filled with every kind of outfits, all of them made with fabric of the finest quality. I put on pajama bottoms and went to the table laden with the banquette. I ate and everything I tasted was delicious, every flavor ambrosia to my palate.

Rest, the Queen had said and I needed it, it had been a long couple of days. So I went to the bed and laid down on it, it was comfortable and warm and perfect, like everything else had been.

But I couldn’t sleep.

I tossed and turned and tried to find the right spot that would allow me to do so. But I never did. It had nothing to do with the bed, really. It was me, my mind that couldn’t stop thinking. I had made the choice of facing What Came Next with the comfort that the people I cared about would be fine, even in my departure from them. I saw my apprentice, my brother, my daughter, and my friends before I left, they were going to be ok. I had an angel telling me so. And yet, there was one face among all the ones I’ve seen that night before making my choice, which I couldn’t push out of my mind.

Karrin’s face. Stricken with her tears and her pain. It had hurt so much to see her like that. I knew she was tough; that she was a fighter and that she would be alright, eventually. Still, it had hurt not having been able to touch her, to comfort her somehow… to not be able to say goodbye.

I hadn’t had a body to do so then, but that had changed too, like so many things recently. And though I still wasn’t working at a hundred percent of power yet, I was starting to feel like myself again.

My Queen had said that soon she would call for me, but not now, not yet. So maybe I still had time. I got out of bed and went to the wardrobe again, I found jeans, a shirt, socks, shoes and underwear. I dressed and remembered the cold, so I put on a denim jacket too.

I didn’t have my mother’s pentacle with me anymore, and obviously, neither the gem with the knowledge of the ways in it. I had lost it with all my clothes apparently, when I fell into the water and Mab had picked me up and cared for me while my spirit wandered through Chicago. The thought worried me and angered me at the same time. But there would be time for that later.

In spite of not having the gem, something in me told me where to go, where to stand and what to do. In spite of not having my rod or my staff, the magic flowed from me. I guessed it was another privilege that went with my new title.

I opened a gate and stepped into a Chicago street. There was still snow on the sidewalk, but it was melting slowly. The air was cool around me, but not freezing. The house in front of me looked the same as it had earlier in my last adventure, except for the wood boards covering the windows.

Time in the Nevernever passes differently, in my experience, slower. But maybe it hadn’t been that long.

I stood there watching the house for a moment, gathering my thoughts and then I took a deep breath and went to the door. I knocked politely.

I felt her presence moving inside, I heard a gasp of surprise. The door didn’t open. I looked at one of the windows; the one that I knew was closer to the door, where she was probably watching me. And I talked to her.

“It’s me, Karrin.”

“Dresden?’ She asked.

“Yeah.” I answered.

“Mortimer said you were gone, that you seemed to have fulfilled your mission… and that you were… gone for good.” I heard a little tremble in her voice.

“I did. But it was something really more complicated than what I thought it was.” I said.

“How come you’re here? How come I can see you? Without… without… I don’t know, some sort magic hocus pocus?” She asked.

“Because it’s not necessary anymore.”

A long silence followed. I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head.

“You’re not him. You can’t be. He had a ghost, he was… dead.” That word cost her something; I knew it because of the way her voice broke as she pronounced it.

“I was… But I’m not anymore, Karrin. I swear to you, I’m me.”

“It can’t be.” She said fiercely. She was putting up all her defenses again. “Whatever you are… Leave, now! I don’t have patience for games right now.”

“I know it was a long night for you, for me too, and a long couple of days really. But I swear it, I’m Harry Dresden, very much alive, and very much kicking.” I touched the door gently, hoping that she could see that I was doing it without her guards affecting me as they would some supernatural entity, like a ghost for example.

“I’m really here, Karrin. I’m me, and I’m really standing at your door, talking to you.” I said in a gentle voice. I realized that it sounded a little like begging, but I didn’t mind.

There was another long, empty silence for answer. She would not believe me of course. She wasn’t a fool, she’d been approached by something wearing my face before and it had hurt her badly. The city had turned a hundred times more dangerous after my demise, especially for one of its few defenders. She had to be careful, she couldn’t trust so easily. And she was right it not doing so, it was the smartest choice to survive this world.

I made my piece with that and realized that I would have to conform to say what I came to say through the door.

“I just came… to say goodbye… My deal with Mab still holds… I belong to Winter and I have a job to do there… I wish I could stay though and help make this place safer but… I don’t know what she has planned yet… But I promise you I will do my best to help you guys, in whichever form I can.

“And I’m still me.

“I needed to tell you that, and… to see you one more time, in case I… I can’t do that later. Or in case later is too long, or too late.

“I’m sorry… for a lot. But thank you, for being you, for being my friend.

“Hope I see you later, Murph… And I like the haircut.” I finished, took another deep breath and turned around to walk back to the street and to Winter. I noticed the faint hint of orange in the sky, the beginning of dawn.

I walked four long steps when suddenly I heard the sound of keys and locks. I turned around toward the house again, and she was standing there in the open door, still in last night’s clothes, staring at me with huge blue eyes. She didn’t move, she didn’t say anything; she just stared at me, a mix of doubt, fear and hope in her expression.

She looked every bit as small as she was, and as much vulnerable. It wrenched at my heart.

“Bleed for me.” She said in a whisper.

Always the cop my Murphy, she wanted proof. I checked myself for something that would help me give it to her. But I had nothing sharp on me, nothing that would accomplish that purpose.

“I don’t… um…” I said, looking around me, maybe there was something I could use, like a piece of trash or… I looked at the withered rose garden, at the flowerless stems and their lonely thorns. I extended my right hand and prickled my index finger with them. I walked back to her and showed her.

She looked down at my hand and inhaled deeply. When she looked up at me, her eyes were filled with tears. But these tears were different than the ones I’ve seen earlier, in my last view of her; these were not full with pain, they were full with wonder and hope.

“I’m really me, Karrin. I’m real. And I’m not dead.”

“How?” She asked, her voice never rising from whisper level.

“It’s a long story, and I don’t know how much time I really have. Maybe one day I’ll tell you everything. But I just wanted to let you know… I am alright. I still exist.”

She kept looking intently at me, right at my face, my eyes. I kept moving mine around her small form; I wouldn’t let a soulgaze happen. It was really not the best time. I cleaned the blood from my finger on my jeans and reached out for her hands. Her hands always amazed me; they were small like the rest of her and ladylike, and so strong and firm when they held a gun, when they threw a punch, when they prepared to defend what she thought was worth defending. They trembled in mine as I grabbed them though.

I lifted them to my face, to my lips, and kissed the back of each delicate finger. I looked up at her face and saw the tears running freely down her cheeks. I moved my hands to them and wiped them away, while her hands fell to rest lightly on my chest. Her right one moved to the area where she would feel my heart beating and her eyes followed to look as her hands caressed my chest, ‘cause that’s what it felt like, a gentle caress on a body that hadn’t felt anything in what seemed too long.

It had hurt so much not being able to touch her, to comfort her, to say goodbye. And saying it was not proving to be any less painful. But what really wrecked at my heart was not the here and the now of that moment, standing at her door with her so close to me, but all the times that we… that I, have let others here and now pass, all the missed moments that could have been but never did because I had been too deluded to notice things around me, or too stubborn to believe them different or simply too afraid to fight for the chance of them.

Whatever reasons there might have been they seemed of no importance in that moment, she was standing just a breath away from me, with tears in her eyes; tears that showed me how much she cared, how much it meant for me to be there with her.

“I’m not Patrick and you’re not Demi, but it matters, Karrin, it matters a hell of a lot.” I said fiercely. I realized that water was blurring my vision.

“Harry…” She started as she looked up at me again. But I didn’t let her finish. I leaned down and kissed her. I kissed her slow and gentle. And none of the delicious faerie food had tasted as wonderful as her lips.

I pulled away too soon and I rested my forehead against hers.

“I know it’s not fair of me, to do this now… But it matters, Karrin. It means something… And I honestly hope one day we can figure out what.”

“Me too.” She said in a small voice.

I breathed her in one more time and kissed her once more. Her lips were so soft under mine, so sweet, so perfect. If I had known… Oh, if I had known before…

The tears ran freely down my cheeks too as I stepped away from her. And she stood there at the door, though for a second she seemed about to follow me. I walked backwards for a few steps, not wanting to stop looking at her. When I finally decided to face the street, I heard her voice, loud and clear.

“Harry!” I turned to look at her again.

“I already know.” He voice was calm and sure and so was the expression on her face as she looked at me. “But I can wait, ‘till you come back… Just don’t take too long… Or I’ll go get you myself.” She said with a lifted eyebrow and a smirk on her lips.

I sighed, “I knew there was a reason why I liked you, Murph.”

She smiled that beautiful and hard-earned smile of hers. I smiled back, tears drying on my cheeks.

“I think I know too, Karrin… You won’t wait long.” I winked at her, turned around, opened the gate and left Chicago, back to my new job.

The sooner I get started, the sooner I get done.

The End.


End file.
